Merry Christmas. All I want is for FOX Sports’ Katie Nolan to go away. But some football players and teams want much more. Or in regards to Katie’s broadcasts, much less.
Much fewer? Whatever. Here are some NFL Christmas gifts:
Eli Manning: Victor Cruz and an offensive line. That can block.
Cleveland Browns: Contender status. No, real contender status. It’s been 15 years, dudes. How many times can Santa skip our house?
Pittsburgh Steelers: That Good Old Gang on defense, only younger, that can still tackle.
NFC South: A playoff win to shut up all you northerners snickerin’ at us.
NFL draft: Good luck with the weather in Chicago.
Roger Goodell: The truth. And the ability to tell it.
Chip Kelly: Yes, the Oregon investigation is just about over and you can go back to college. Hey, the Michigan job is still open.
Joe Flacco: Looking to get my team back. Will spend some of my millions.
Jay Cutler: The team Joe Flacco’s looking for. And an offensive coordinator. And someone to believe in me. Please!
Matt Forte: The ball. Please, the ball. Someone call a play for me.
Bill Belichick: A better scoffing gesture. Current one sucks.
San Francisco 49ers: A coach named Harbaugh (take your pick).
City of Los Angeles: A football team.
City of New York: A football team.
The NFL: A new line of licensed see-through apparel. You know, transparency.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: A little Lovie.
NFL Network: That Tennessee-Jacksonville finale for Thursday Night Football. Really?