Merry Christmas. Or should I say, Merry Chrismahanukwanzukah. OK, that should cover everybody.
Here’s my gift list (not for me but from me, unless you’re feeling generous . Just DM me):
- Browns: RG IV a�� warranty wore out on III.
- Steelers: A Happy and Healthy, especially the latter.
- Giants: Does the Vince Lombardi Trophy come with the interception record?
- Redskins: RG V, and a new name, y’know, maybe Trumpster Fires.
- Jaguars: A real quarterback instead of the one they drafted.
- Buccaneers: The continuation of whatever miracle it is that’s happening.
- Dolphins: Anything with a ‘J.’ The more Js, the better.
- Saints: A defense that gives Drew Brees a chance to play longer than Tom Brady.
- Lions: Anything but Megatron.
- Eagles: Quarterbacks who came and stayed instead of Wentz.
- Panthers: Attitude.
- Falcons: Choke Prevention Potion.
- Chiefs: Finish, just one season, finish!
- Bears: Yes Virginia, we need a new owner.
- Packers: a Good Good Line to go with that Bad Bad Man.
- Cowboys: No playoff game is complete without an overturned challenge against them.
- Broncos: Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but … here goes … Tim Tebow. What, they wouldn’t have at least the same record they have now, if not better?
- Cardinals: 2015-16.
- Rams: John Robinson out of retirement.
- Chargers: Can we have Eli Manning back, please? We’ll throw in Philip Rivers and all those draft picks. No, really.
- 49ers: If Colin Kaepernick can protest the USA the country then the USA can protest Colin Kaepernick the quarterback. Did you see the Bears game?
- Seahawks: Earl Thomas (ouch!).
Next week, New Year’s resolutions! I’ll just get mine over with now, the one I never keep: return Kate Upton’s phone calls.